Monday, October 1, 2012
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
"TV" Stands For "Totally Viable"
"Other people are no more a part of your larger problem than a broken taillight, and the reason for this is firstly because nobody cares enough to really come after you, but mostly it's because there is no larger problem. That kind of simplification is usually laziness, or exhaustion: The fact remains that all we ever really have are small problems that add up to the unmovable mountain."
Hello! My name is Masha B., and I watch television.
In a world of YouTube videos and Netflix, this admission seems rather passé. Television viewing these days often appears to be restricted to the haplessly middle-aged (according to Advertising Age magazine, the median age of viewers of regular prime-time is nearing 51), who are generally forced to choose between television fare that is completely mindless (e.g. most "reality" TV) or else hopelessly unoriginal (what is the limit on cop-lawyer-doctor dramas? We may never know). Most people under the age of 30 prefer to absorb content in bite-size pieces: as of 2010, the duration of the average online video was 4.3 minutes, which is almost five times longer than it takes for a sucker to be born, but is also over 2,000 times shorter than the time it takes to count to 1 million (if you stopped eating, sleeping, and otherwise wasting time that could be better spent counting to 1 million).
While I know plenty of people who watch television occasionally, when they feel the need to allow their brains to slowly seep out of their ears, television-watching no longer seems to be an activity that people of a higher intellect are allowed to indulge in and still play their intellectual-superiority card. After all, anyone who has spent even a few seconds in academia should know about the harmful effects of that omnipresent evil, THE MEDIA, which desires only to devour the souls of precious little children. Stupidity, superficiality, the decline of culture - these are all victims of THE MEDIA'S big eyes and big teeth (all the better to eat you with, my dear).
Now, don't misunderstand me: as a probable psychology major, I generally conclude that people are somehow influenced by everything that surrounds them, even if the results are not always glaringly obvious. Nonetheless, I believe that the blame for terrible television also lies with the reduced standards that have been applied to its content, both as a result of economic necessity and as a product of society's increasingly short attention span. The significance of the connection between creativity and cash-money-money becomes particularly clear when one compares the fodder provided by network television to the entertainment distributed by cable, especially premium cable. While all channels strive to attract as many viewers as possible without spending more than necessary (although "necessity" is probably quite relative in the world of Hollywood), premium cable networks have less to lose when they take a risk, since their viewers have already forked over enough cash to reduce dependency on advertising.
I would be remiss in saying that I find this system to be superior to network television, since my family has never subscribed to a single premium cable channel, yet I've found ways of consuming content that bypass the whole "paying" part (which I find to be awfully inconvenient). Nonetheless, I wish to commend premium cable channels, because they have revived my faith in the potential of television.
After all of this, I would genuinely like to say that I only watch GOOD television, the types of programs that make one think and broaden one's horizons. However, that is not necessarily true. Here is a rundown of the shows that I've been enjoying in the last year or so, ranked roughly in order of perceived quality:
I give this show credit for being the only medical drama that has ever captured and held my attention so profoundly, mainly because Edie Falco is an absolute master. I do not wish to belittle the supporting cast, however, as wit and wisdom abound in equal measure among them.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Edie Falco, Eve Best, Merritt Wever, Peter Facinelli, Anna Deavere Smith
Directors: Paul Feig, Steve Buscemi
Usually, I find that watching Laura Linney act is not unlike watching paint dry: while I can tell that she has some acting abilities, the woman simply lacks charisma! However, this series has showcased Linney in a way that I find absolutely unprecedented. While the premise is rather depressing (a woman learns that she has stage 4 cancer and proceeds to turn her average life into a chaotic minefield), the show's creators pull it off brilliantly, with wonderful writing and marvelous acting (particularly from the leading lady).
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Laura Linney, Oliver Platt, Gabourey Sidibe
Dissociative Identity Disorder is the subject of what is yet another Showtime comedy-drama (or perhaps drama-comedy, to be more exact) with a female protagonist, portrayed here by Toni Colette (with help from her impressive American accent). I think that this show mainly hooks me with its topic, which is among the slew of psychological/neurological disorders that I feel guilty for being fascinated by. It has since been canceled (the last episode aired on Monday, June 20), probably because the storyline became slightly too labyrinthine for the average viewer.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Toni Colette, John Corbett, Patton Oswalt
Executive Producers: Steven Spielberg
Creator: Diablo Cody
Strong lead actors seem to be a theme in this list, so all I really need to say in regards to Boardwalk is this: STEVE BUSCEMI.
Oh, also music from the 1920s, Prohibition, and gangsters.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Steve Buscemi, Kelly Macdonald, Michael Shannon, Michael Stuhlbarg, Paz de la Huerta, Gretchen Mol
Executive Producers: Martin Scorcese
Are you politically correct? If so, this is not the show for you. Stay clear of it if the idea of a one-handed clown, a blind stuffed-animal collector, a telekinetic dwarf, and a man-child obsessed with famous serial killers doesn't appeal to you. If you do decide to venture forth, however, you will find a sometimes-uproarious show with the occasional Hitchcock reference and guest stars such as Eileen Atkins and Imelda Staunton.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton, Dawn French, Eileen Atkins, Imelda Staunton
Plainly stated, this is a simple comedy of the highest order. While it occasionally delves slightly too far into the depths of immaturity, this show delivers a cast of relatable, thoroughly entertaining characters and some well-plotted comedic storylines. Oh, and several episodes are directed by Fred Savage (yes, THAT Fred Savage, the one from The Wonder Years).
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Adam Scott, Ken Marino, Martin Starr, Lizzy Caplan, Megan Mullally, Jane Lynch
Directors: Fred Savage
Executive Producers: Paul Rudd, Fred Savage
I think that most people are aware of this show by now, seeing as it utilizes many of the best-known comic actors currently in the business. Although I never really enjoyed Saturday Night Live when Tina Fey was involved as a writer/actor, the humor of 30 Rock is quirky enough to capture my interest.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan (and a plethora of famous guest stars)
Executive Producers: Lorne Michaels
Have you ever seen The Soup? It's this really silly clip-show on E! (the exclamation point represents the screams of horror that this channel tends to elicit) in which television is ridiculed into submission by the handsome, charming host, Joel McHale. The show has many faults, but Mr. McHale has never been one of them. When I learned that he was to star in a new show about several students at a typically unimpressive community college, I was already on board. This show exceeded the expectations that I'd set for it after a couple lackluster episodes, careening into the stratosphere of clever, topical television. The cast is fabulous and the story-lines are consistently surprising, even if I occasionally find myself growing tired with the show's dependence on parody.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Joel McHale, Gillian Jacobs, Danny Pudi, Yvette Nicole Brown, Alison Brie, Donald Glover, Chevy Chase, Ken Jeong, Jim Rash, John Oliver
My mother was very into The Tudors, a show that I could theoretically appreciate as relatively good, but which, in practice, I simply found boring. The casting of Jeremy Irons as Pope Alexander VI provides The Borgias with a distinct advantage, somewhat offsetting its predictability as one of many bodice-ripping period dramas. I found this blog to be an illuminating addition to my viewing experience:
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Jeremy Irons, Colm Feore
Writers: Neil Jordan
When it first began, this show was largely glorified pornography; fortunately, it soon overcame the crutch of its salacious subject matter and provided viewers with some meaty characters and thoroughly engaging episodes. Granted, the sex scenes still remained quite regular, but given the subject matter I found them to be justified. Not to be watched with children, but worth a look by any open-minded adult.
Notable cast and crew:
Actors: Billie Piper, Iddo Goldberg
Other suggestions:
America's Next Top Model (The CW) - this one is a TOTAL guilty pleasure, mainly because of the insights that it gives into the modeling world (as useless and fictional as they may be)
Arrested Development (FOX) - it would be remiss of me not to mention one of the funniest comedies that has ever been on American television
Big Love (HBO) - revealing the negative aspects of having multiple wives since 2006 (I only got through 1 season - not enough eccentricity, perhaps?)
Bored to Death (HBO) - Jason Schwartzman plays a writer-slash-private-detective in this witty comedy, also starring Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis
Dead Like Me (Showtime) - teenage girl as sarcastic Grim Reaper (avoid the movie like the plague, though)
Masterpiece Theater (PBS) - I've watched this program since I was little (especially Agatha Christie's Poirot); often showcases decent adaptations of literary classics and the occasional thought-provoking original series
My So-Called Life (ABC) - Claire Danes suffering teenage angst/melodrama
Pushing Daisies (ABC) - this show can be a little bit saccharine, but is creative and fun to watch nonetheless. Plus, I love Lee Pace (who starred in one of my favorite movies - The Fall)
Shameless (US version) (Showtime) - this show has made me appreciate Emmy Rossum and is a nice vehicle for the always-fabulous William H. Macy
Six Feet Under (HBO) - the lives and times of a family of morticians (I only watched season 1, as I found this show too dark for my taste)
Skins (E4) - English teenagers doing a number of risqué things (I only watched series 1 and 2 because the creators made the odd decision to change the cast entirely in the following series)
The Office (NBC) - this show is incredibly inconsistent, but it does have some very funny moments (most of which I would accredit to Steve Carrell)
Wonderfalls (FOX) - sweet, imaginative, and amusing: various objects speak to sarcastic female protagonist, leading her to change the course of her life and the lives of those around her
* By the way, if you've been wondering what this quote has to do with everything that follows it...well, basically, it shows my original intention of writing about television shows in order to recommend the often droll and occasionally poignant reviews offered by televisionwithoutpity.com. This is not an ad - I merely began reading this website a week or so ago and have been enjoying its perspective on Nurse Jackie and The Voice ever since. Also, those words are not unrelated to my current life circumstances...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
MUST-BUY
(You can tell that it's classy because there is a false reflection of the bird in the background.)
Featuring these hit singles:
Birds of a Feather
Wings That Sing
Birds and the Bees
Shake Your Tail Feathers
Flying High
Feather Elise
Wild Winged Wonder
And the unforgettable classic,
I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What I Have Learned From Internet Dating Sites
ON LIFE:
"I tend to be pretty laid back and take every day as it comes."
"I'm very laid back and easy-going , and very lighthearted about life in general."
“In general, I'm a pretty easy-going , laid back kind of guy who loves to live life to the fullest.”
"I'm pretty laid back and easygoing, but definitely know how to have a good time."
"I'm pretty laid back, but like having a good time."
"I'm a laid back guy who just likes to have fun and enjoy life."
"I'm a laid back guy who loves to laugh and enjoy life."
"I'm a laid back person try to stay positive, but i still have my morals."
"Other than that, I'm fairly laid back - just kind of going with the flow at the moment."
"I'm an easygoing type of guy that just likes to go with the flow."
"As for my take on life, I tend to be quite laid back and go with the flow...easygoing and lively."
IN REGARDS TO OTHER PEOPLE:
"I'm really laid-back, carefree, easygoing, down-to-earth."
"I am laid back and easy to get along with."
"I am easy to get along with and relatively laid back."
“Im very laid back, outgoing, easygoing and open minded.”
"I'm very laid back and open-minded."
"I am a laid back guy, with an open mind."
"I would say I'm a pretty laid back person, not really a fan of alot of drama."
"I am very laid back and don't do drama, but I'm not afraid to tell you how it is."
"I'm nice, caring, easygoing, funny, laid back and likes to have fun!"
"I'm very laid back and generally fun to be around."
"I consider myself to be a 'nice dude,' and am super easy going and extremely laid back."
I AM TRYING TO FIND A DATE ON THE INTERNET, BUT I ASSURE YOU THAT I AM VERY SOCIABLE:
"I'm a very easygoing person, and I like to laugh and hang out with friends. "
"I'm pretty laid back and like hanging out or partying with friends."
“Im a really laid back guy who loves to have fun with fun peeps.”
"I am laid back, easygoing, and people usually enjoy my company (at least as far as I know)."
"I'm a pretty laid back guy just looking to have fun and make friends."
“I am an easygoing person who loves to meet new people."
“I'm easygoing, and I love meeting new people.”
"I'm a laid back easygoing guy who loves meeting new people and talking about common interests."
I ENJOY DOING THINGS AND TALKING ABOUT STUFF:
"I'm a laid back guy with many interests."
" Laid back easygoing guy with a love of music and movies."
“I'm a recent college grad and am very laid back.”
"I am laid back, easygoing, and funny."
"I am smart, funny, and laid-back."
"I'm a pretty nice guy, kind of nerdy, usually sarcastic, but always fairly laid-back and easygoing."
"I like to think that I'm a cool laid back dork...I am laid back, very funny, and sarcastic."
"Never a dull moment with me :) im sarcastic and witty and laid-back and easygoing."
"I have a pretty laid back personality and am always up for an adventure."
IN CASE YOU FORGOT MY GENDER:
"I'm a very easygoing and laid-back guy."
"I am a pretty laid back and easy going guy."
"I'm a pretty easygoing guy."
"I'm a laid back easygoing Guy."
“Just a really laid back guy.”
“I'd say I'm a laid back and easygoing guy.”
"Um I would say easygoing laid back kinda guy."
REALLY, I'M NOT A ROBOT, I PROMISE:
"I'm a laid back, easygoing person."
"I'm a fairly laid back and easygoing person."
"I am a very laid back person."
"I consider myself an easygoing laid back person."
SUBMODIFIERS MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE:
"I'm pretty laid back ."
"I'm pretty laid back and easygoing."
"I'm pretty easygoing and laid back."
“I'm very easy going and laid back.”
"I'd say that I'm very easygoing and laid-back."
"I am really laid back and down to earth."
“I'm incredibly laid back and easygoing.”
I KNOW THAT IT'S A CLICHÉ, BUT I'M GOING TO SAY IT ANYWAY. I'M ALSO GOING TO USE APOSTROPHES SELECTIVELY:
"I'd say im extremely laid back, I know everyone says that but in my case its absolutely true."
IN SUMMARY:
“Most describe me as laid back and easygoing.”
"Overall I'd say I'm a pretty laid back person, very easygoing."
"I am generally laid back and easy going.”
“I'm generally a laid-back, easygoing kind of guy.”
AND FINALLY, IN CONCLUSION, A SLIGHT GRAMMATICAL ERROR CREATES PERFECT NONSENSE:
"I am a pretty laid back."
And on and on and on it goes.
Lesson: People are unoriginal and enjoy stating the obvious.
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