What Public Radio Means To Me

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, duuuuuuum

That little melody, whether in the brassy tones of a trumpet section or the velvety syncopations of a jazz ensemble, has been a staple in my life since childhood. When I was younger, I would hear it emanating from my mother's car radio, followed by crisp and to-the-point voices announcing current events, or the melodic elegance of classical music. As I grew older, I became familiar with many of the voices, recognizing them as one recognizes an old friend. Terry Gross, Ira Glass, Michelle Norris - each of these names brings up the memory of some fascinating program or another.

I have discovered that even if a program covers a topic that doesn't usually interest me, I am intrigued by the various perspectives and intelligent analysis offered on NPR. The media is almost bereft of impartial journalism these days, but NPR continues to support a large variety of opinions, with an innate trust of the listener's intelligence. On NPR, the programs are neither dumbed-down nor pretentiously esoteric, allowing for a broad, diverse audience.

I have always been interested in the media, and am continually exploring both its negative and positive effects. Its influence fascinates me, both due to its omnipresence and to the incredible potential that it possesses. I believe that one of the most important things for our society to focus on is the decrease of negative media, such as product placement and the touting of gigantic corporate entities, and the increase of positive media, such as that which supports local businesses, spreads unbiased information, and helps to improve people's lives.

The catalyst for my interest in media, however, is my fascination with people: how they think, why they behave in the way that they do, and why they make the choices that they make. I believe that one of the main reasons that I adore literature, cinema, and other arts is because they attempt to answer these questions, or at least to consider them. Journalism provides a way to take that analysis and bring it into the real world, learning directly from people.

While I was in New York this summer, my goal was mainly to improve my photographic skills by learning techniques and doing a lot of photography. Without even realizing it, I ended up with a project that focused on interviews and the words of people in the city, creating something that was far more journalistic than it was artistic. This is how I came to understand that, in my life, I hope to pursue a career that allows me to actually interact with and learn about people, and hopefully gives me the opportunity to help them. In fact, I hope that my personal life provides me with the same opportunities.

Public radio is a form of journalism unlike any other. It conveys information to the listener without the benefits of visuals, bringing a story to life with the help of good writing and sounds captured from a previous moment in time. I am very grateful for its existence in my life.

Hi, My Name Is Masha, And I Am An Agnostic

I sometimes feel that the ability to think is no less important in my life than the ability to breathe. It is my greatest asset and my greatest obstacle, the thing that sustains me while simultaneously destroying me. It allows me to rethink the past and imagine the future, but it can just as easily contort them both in the worst way possible.

I get a thrill from complex thought unlike any other; when I begin to mull over something I feel strongly about, it is as if, after a long, dark winter, the curtains are being thrown open to reveal sunshine and brilliant flora. Despite the literary orientation of thought shared by most of my family, I am just as interested in discussions of politics, religion, and scientific innovations as in those about books, films, and works of art. Not to say that I am an expert in any of these fields (as I most certainly am not), but I find that informing myself about the thoughts and interests of others, and discovering the ways in which people structure their lives, is incredibly fascinating. I suppose that it all comes down to an interest in human psychology. I choose to avoid the realms of black and white, preferring to dwell in unknown territories, avoiding judgment as much as possible. My research has led me to believe that the word "agnostic" defines me in basically every aspect of my existence. And, to be clear, here are the sorts of definitions to which I am referring:

AGNOSTICISM |agˈnästəˌsizəm|
noun
- The theory that the ultimate problems of philosophy and religion are insoluble (http://www.willdurant.com/glossary.htm)
- The disbelief in any claims of ultimate knowledge (http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=agnosticism)

And here is exactly the kind of (rather typical, might I add) definition that I find to be biased, overly general, and absolutely patronizing:

- A suspension of belief in gods and theism, especially of named gods, arguing generally a lack of proof, whether by reason or evidence. Stopping short of atheism, it is a convenient position for both philosophers and laymen, especially where persecution is a threat. The term was introduced by the Darwinian evolutionist, Thomas Henry Huxley in the 19th C. (http://www.grazian-archive.com/quantavolution/Encyclopedia/encqnt4.htm)

Yes, of COURSE - I choose to remain open-minded to a variety of viewpoints because I am lazy and it happens to be "convenient." Or perhaps I am simply afraid of taking sides, because, God forbid, I might offend somebody!

If I were afraid of being judged, it would probably be simpler just to pick a side and stick with it, wouldn't it? At least that way I would have a large group of people to defend my viewpoint! Instead, I prefer to avoid labels such as 'good' and 'evil', 'fact' and 'fiction', 'right' and 'wrong'. I treat my life like a legal case - all sides on all issues are constantly presenting evidence, and I give greater credence to the side that I feel has formed a better argument. However, this does not mean that I completely discount the argument presented by the other side, because (I assume) there will never be a time when all the evidence will have been presented. Either I will die without ever finding out the truth, or the truth will reveal itself eventually.

I am just as opposed to gnostic atheism as I am to gnostic theism. I do not believe in the concept of "knowing for sure, because The Bible/science/my parents/my society told me so." All of these things have much to offer, but none of them should be taken as a given. They are all unstable, their messages changing over time and in different contexts, making them incapable of providing a complete, inarguable answer to anything.

It's funny, this is not really what I meant to write about. I wanted to talk about the effect of the books I've been reading (Madame Bovary), the television shows (Six Feet Under) and films (Psycho, Farewell) that I've been watching, and the classes that I've been taking (a million varieties of French, Russian Themes in World Cinema, and a silly-but-probably-amusing-and-also-requirement-fulfilling My Body, My Health class) on my thought processes. I love the song "Little Boxes," but I do not necessarily believe that the people who go to university are being put in boxes, little boxes all the same. The necessity of fitting the mold began long before university; I haven't found a box to contain me yet, so I don't think that higher education will change that.

Perhaps I am still a sheep, just of the sort that tries to stand out by bleating in a slightly different pitch than the others. Nonetheless, being a member of a flock doesn't change the status of my individuality - even sheep (as long as they haven't been cloned) aren't all identical!

And on that note (of clumsily-stated platitudes), I shall bid you good night.

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: And After All That, My ARTIST STATEMENT

As I grow older, I am increasingly fascinated by the changes brought upon by age. All humans are bound by the limits of mortality, but it is the experiences of our lifetimes that differentiate us.

Photographs are capable of capturing the ethereal even as they record the banal. With a click of the shutter, one may freeze forever the essence of a single moment in time, perhaps revealing things that would not be noticeable in the tumult of ordinary life. Photographs can expose the layers that life experience has created upon the face, or the impressions that the labor of living has left upon the body. I find these imperfections beautiful, and feel impelled to capture their many varieties.

In order to better understand my subjects, I interviewed all of them - first, I found out their names, jobs, and ages; then, I asked them three questions pertaining, respectively, to their past, present, and future. Their responses were intended to enrich the viewer's visual interpretation of each subject, and to raise questions about how their appearances, affected by age, intersect with their life experiences. I did my best to vary the subjects' genders, ages, and socioeconomic statuses as much as possible. Directly after the interviews, I took as many photographs of the subjects as time would permit.

This project has opened my eyes to the hopes and worries of dozens of New Yorkers. Few experiences in my life have been quite as powerful as that of strangers opening their hearts to me while they consider what it is that they value in their lives. It turns out that most people know the answers to these complex questions almost intuitively, barely having to think about their responses. I have discovered that age plays a significant role in determining what is important to people. This is largely a result of the changing structures of peoples' lives as they age: for example, older people are more likely to have their own families, which seem to be very significant for many of them.

I hope that this project will allow people to see both how comfortingly similar and how wonderfully unique we all are. In a city as enormous as New York, one may often feel lost among the crowds; I would like to remind people that they are not alone.

Remainder

Name: Anonymous
Age: 61, almost 62
Job: Carpenter
Location: Lower East Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Yeah, I would like that I didn't get hit in Vietnam. I'm a Vietnam veteran. I only look back on two things in my life. One, I didn't go with the garbage men. The sanitation. But I have a trade, I'm a carpenter. [Sanitation] was a good job, but it wasn't meant for me.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Raising my daughters. My daughters are in college. The next thing is maybe...they're gonna go on with their life, that's all paid for and all this. My next most important thing is maybe getting a boat. A small boat, not a big boat - I can't afford a big boat. Because a boat is like taking your money and throwing it in a hole in the water. And I can't say nuttin' about girls or women or nuttin' like that because I'm married. I think I'm pretty successful with everything other than that. I would love to hit lotto. I'm talking about if I hit big - I would make some of my friends fortunate, to do something. Have a brand new car, stuff like that, if I ever hit that. I'm not a real religious man, but I'd probably give the church something. Al Queda, I'm for Al Queda. (Laughs) No, don't put that shit, I'm a Vietnam veteran. No, I ain't for that shit, I'm American, all the way, 100 percent.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I figure at the rate I'm going I'll be dead...I'm gonna be 62, I'll be dead, probably within the next week OR I'll go to 80. My destiny is 80. I wanna hit 80. I don't know if I'm gonna hit 80, but...I'm in pretty good shape and everything, but I haven't had a physical in 30 years.



Name: Matthew
Age: 17
Job: Student
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Probably a more solid base of friends. I know - the friends that would just like to hang around, you know, shoot the shit and throw a Frisbee and throw a football…you know what, maybe not the friends, it's the time to do that. That's it - it's the time and the circumstance to just be a kid.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Figuring out myself…that's vague…you know, I guess it's really cultivating my own interests so I can be happy, so I can find something [that] I'll work hard at…but it won't be hard work, because I'll love what I'll be doing. Finding that interest and cultivating myself to find that interest.

3. How do you imagine your future?

First option - I become a farmer and play at jazz clubs at night. Scratch the farmer part - whatever I do I'll be playing at jazz clubs at night, I'll be playing jazz piano at night, with people, and I'll be having a blast doing that. And whatever I do during the day, it'll include using my body and my brain. My dream future is that I won't be sitting behind a desk doing mundane, stupid stuff. I'll be using my body the way it was meant to be used, for work and such. That kind of points me in the direction of being a farmer, I have yet to see.



Name: James/Jimmy
Age: 65
Job: Helps out a friend at Coney Island
Location: Coney Island

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I'd change nothing.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Waking up every morning - surviving.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I really don't know. After 66, there's not too much to remember. You don't know how much longer you're going to last.



Name: Scott Peterson
Age: 52
Job: Firefighter
Location: Lower East Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Yes - my old girlfriend Cathy Giannetto. Broke my heart. Broke my heart! My life has been somewhat of a, a little bit of a void since you left me. I would never have cheated on Cathy Giannetto! Or I would've covered my tracks a little bit better and I wouldn't have gotten caught.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My son John.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I imagine me dumping my wife and hooking up with Cathy Giannetto! (You want the truth? I'm giving you the truth.)



Name: Jose
Age: 53
Job: Disabled
Location: Coney Island

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I would change a lot from my past…I'm not going to go into details, but I would change a lot.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Family. I've got a son, he's 12. My parents are still alive and I got one remaining sister. I got plenty of nieces and nephews. They're my immediate family, of course. 'Cause I've been away from them for…years.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I try not to think about it too much. I take it a day at a time.



Name: Janette
Age: 37
Job: Does research over the phone, cleans houses in her spare time (for extra money)
Location: Union Square

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I would change a lot in my past - a lot. Well, I made a lot of mistakes in my past. I didn't finish school. I don't regret my children but I just wish I would've finished school so I could've had a better life and provided more for them. It's not too late - I can go back to school, but being a single mom, and having to work two jobs, and provide for them…it's like I'm always looking for the time, and then something happens and I have to stay working, because if not the bills will pile up, and so on and so on.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

I would have to say, my kids. My children are. You know, it's funny, because the past couple of days I've just been trying to - I just - at 37, I still don't know who I am, and I wanna know who I am, what's my purpose. I know there has to be a purpose. And…it's just…it just has to…it's just a lot of soul-searching, I don't know where to start. And I guess when I find…I'm hoping that the sooner I realize that, the happier I can be with myself.

3. How do you imagine your future?

See…I can't…right now I don't…that's the problem. I…I don't know what my future holds. And that's why I guess I'm at this age now and it's starting, you know, I took so much for granted, always thinking I had time, school wasn't important - I just was living too fast and…and now I just…I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry I don't have an answer, I truly, honestly, like, I really don't know. That's why I'm just trying to find myself. I was walking through the park earlier just wondering…what am I here for? I really need to find that out. A part of me says go back to school, but then reality sets in and, I mean, I can't! I have an 11 year old daughter and I have a 16 year old son.



Name: Michael
Age: 21
Job: New York City Parks Officer
Location: Coney Island

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I wish I didn't total my car like 3 months ago. I would like my car back.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My mother.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Living in Sweden, being a professional stage manager. I've been to Sweden to play soccer for an international soccer team that I played on, and I lived there for a while. I like it a lot, it's a beautiful country, I'm learning the language, and they have a really, really nice theatrical business.



Name: Brendan Spieth
Age: 22
Job: Just graduated college (Theater major)
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Well, I wouldn't change anything. You know what, if I could have anything from my past, I used to have this silver astronaut jacket when I was three, and I used to just wear it all the time and feel like a rock star. If I could have that, I think I'd be pretty complete.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Direction, I guess. After graduating you've got all these tools and fun things, and now, where to? Where do we go? I guess finding direction is now the most important thing.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I imagine it to be or hope it'll be…sparkly, very fun and open and curious and squirrely. I want to be as creative and fun as I was on the first day of kindergarten until the day I kick it.



Name: Monika
Age: 59, almost 60
Job: Running the High Striker at Coney Island
Location: Coney Island

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

No, no, I chose this life, I'm happy where I've been and I'm thrilled where I am.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Making the money - aside from my children. Children are everything. That's why I'm out here making the money! I have 7 children, from 38 down to 13. And grandchildren that are costly. 5 of 'em.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Working, just like I am now. I thought I'd be in that rocking chair, but it's not happening. I had a child late in life, and he wants his everything that the other kids got. So there it is.



Name: Stephanie Brooks
Age: 36
Job: Teacher
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I'd like to travel a lot more and now I'm not traveling so much, and I'd like to start to travel more to exotic destinations.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Feeling at peace.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Being happy and healthy and having a few children and a husband and smiling a lot!



Name: Elliot Schwartz
Age: 60
Job: Photographer, head of a sculpture studio in DUMBO
Location: Brooklyn Bridge Park (DUMBO)

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Not my hair…no, everything from my past is in my present.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My 4 1/2 year old son.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Working until I drop.



Name: Kevin
Age: 26
Job: International pageant winners' personal trainer (but he can't reveal any names)
Location: High Street - Brooklyn Bridge Station

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

Maybe I'd like to have a cat again. That'd be fun.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My studies.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Hopefully working professionally in the field that I am currently studying.

Moving Pictures

After hours and hours of racking my brain for ideas, I stumbled upon this rally in Union Square, and ended up using it as the subject for my narrative video. The sound is pretty terrible, but I feel as if the final result came out alright.

I've begun to realize that everything I do seems to be more journalistic than strictly "artistic," and this is making me rather confused. In fact, I have kind of lost direction altogether. I thought that I was moving from the verbal sphere to the visual sphere, but now it appears as if all those books I (somehow) managed to read in the past month have affected my thinking. Hmm.

Anyhow - in comparison, here is the abstract video that I cobbled together from some rather mediocre footage recorded at Coney Island.

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: Crossing The Finish Line

Name: Bernadette
Age: 40-something
Job: Actor, singer, full-time mom
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I think one of the things I really miss is people in my life who have passed away, I would want them to be here in the present, and the future too, share life and share experiences with me, because they were fun, I loved them, or they shared their insights, and I would just want them to be here, you know. To look into the future, to see my daughter growing up, to see me progressing with things, and just to be a part of their [lives]. If anything I would change, I think it would be my inability…being afraid to really ask for what I want.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Making a commitment to be present, to love the people in my life, and to learn to love each moment each day.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Living more from who I am creatively, creative expression, singing more, collaborating with people, and really beginning to support myself again that way, as a creative person, as a creative artist, collaborating, having fun, consistently. So for me, what does that mean - performing on the stage, collaborating with other people, recording music, and possibly writing screenplays, doing film. So whatever is creative, fun things, film things, artistic things.



Name: Yasmine
Age: 12
Job: Student
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I would change, whatchacallit, when getting my cat, because she was abused, and she really hates people, so I have a lot of scars.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My kitten - my cat doesn't like me, so my mom said I could get a kitten, and she's really nice to play with.

3. How do you imagine your future?

I would imagine my future living in New York still and living in a big loft, and having a dog and having a really good job that pays me a lot of money and people always wanting to party with me.


Name: Ettore
Age: 15
Job: Student
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future OR would you change anything from your past?

I would not change anything, because every decision, every thing I've done, every thing that's happened, brought me here, because I was born in Italy, and after some events I'm here now.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

I would just say my dad because, I mean, he's dad.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Older…I don't really know. I'd like to be a doctor, but let's see what will be.


Bernadette is Yasmine's mother. Ettore is, I'm assuming, an exchange student who is living with them. They all seemed to be great friends, and it was a pleasure watching them interact with one another.

Well, look at that. Today is the last day of the program (except for the exhibition tomorrow, which is from 2:00-4:00 pm at 66 5th Avenue/ 2 West 13th St in case anybody other than my classmates wants to come!) I am basically finished, with only a couple of small responsibilities remaining (shortening my artist statement, printing out the text of the interviews, and burning everything to a DVD). I am also not speaking today (or speaking as little as possible) because of the gigantic frog that has settled in my throat. I am not good at not speaking.

I'm thinking that I want to organize my photographs by the ages of the subjects, but we'll see.

ONE. DAY. LEFT.

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: Marriage, Window Light, and the Cough of Doom

Name: Peter Lobdell
Age: 63, almost 64
Job: straight job: teaching acting and playwriting at Amherst College; real work: actor, performer, writer, director in professional theater
Location: Morningside Heights

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future?

Well, that's very difficult I've got what I've been doing for the last 35 years, and I'm going to do it now, and I hope to carry it into the future. I work in the theater. And I've been married to Greta for 18 years and I hope to carry that into the future.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Greta, our home, and our work in our home.

3. How do you imagine your future?

If you live a life in the arts, you learn to...not let go of the idea of the future, but you don't anticipate it, because every single major breakthrough in my career and in my life has happened without my planning for it - it's always been an accident. We do our work day to day, and we hope to keep on doing it day to day, and that's the only future, is the day to day. Then, of course, a major breakthrough comes through, I get a Broadway show, I meet Greta. Those things can't be planned for, they can't be demanded, so all I want to do is keep on keeping on.






Name: Greta Gundersen
Age: "52" (artistic age) - in the art world, it makes a difference
Job: Self-employed full-time painter
Location: Morningside Heights

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future?

It's impossible to change anything from your past. It's impossible! Of course there are tragic events, and major hurts, but that's where I am now.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

My husband, my painting, and my hopes and expectations (for what I can paint). To stay involved with the painting, so that it will sustain me forever, and hopefully, recognition!

3. How do you imagine your future?

I don't know how to. Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I feel confident. I don't know how to imagine it, I don't, because anything could happen. I hope it stays with Peter, in our house that we built, and that we are creative forever, and we never die.

Greta and her husband Peter are the only non-strangers that I interviewed. They are two of my favorite people, because they are fun, intelligent, creative, and dedicated. Their marriage is like an advertisement for the institution of marriage (which I am generally somewhat skeptical about). If I were to get married, I would hope to have a relationship as (seemingly) loving as theirs. It was absolutely necessary to put their interviews/photographs into a single entry, because they are truly partners in everything that they do.

I think that their wonderful, wonderful faces represent their characters rather well.

In terms of photography, this shoot helped me discover the wonders of window light. Hail to window light, my friends! It is a beautiful thing.
(Note: photographs taken at the apartment at which I was staying, NOT in Peter and Greta's house)




(I have to say, being sick REALLY doesn't help one get a portfolio together. Go away, cough, nobody wants you.)

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: (Ah, ah, ah, ah) Staying Alive

Name: Brian
Age: 55
Job: Formerly a mechanic in Richmond, Virginia; now unemployed
Location: Greenwich Village

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future?

Oh yeah, there's a lot of things I would change. Heh, a whole lot. I would love to be young again.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Staying alive; surviving.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Better than it is right now.

You know, it's kind of interesting - I wanted to add on a bit to Brian's story from my experience interacting with him, but it seems that the photograph and interview speak for themselves.There's not really much more to say.

As usual, life has been a series of inner crises followed by a return to normalcy. The meeting with Lubianitsky was...educational, but perhaps not in the way that I imagined it would be. I still think that he is an amazing photographer, even if I do not completely agree with his views on photography. Here is a link to a nice online collection of his work:

People: Photography Exhibition

Although I was quite disappointed by our encounter at first, I think that I will forget my silliness and eventually return for further guidance from him. This excerpt from an interview with the Columbia Spectator illustrates the kind of valuable knowledge that he possesses:

"Lubianitsky explained that his greatest challenge is to capture the dynamism of his subjects. “‘People photography’ is most difficult because of the threat of people looking like still lives,” he said. To capture a person requires, in Lubianitsky’s words, “spiritual communications” at the subliminal level. “Every person on this earth is photogenic. It is the role of the photographer to present it. It is in the substance of the person. You have to feel it. I try to make the sitter a collaborator in the process,” he explained."

In other news (do I use that phrase a lot?), I rather enjoyed our class visit to the Guggenheim on Wednesday - the current main exhibition is titled "Haunted", and (in my opinion) contains more hits than misses. Although I became quite dizzy and a little nauseous from the spiral formation of the museum, I was, at the very least, intrigued by everything currently gracing its walls.

At the moment, I am racking my brain for a good topic to use in our narrative video assignment. I've got several possible ideas, but time is short! I want this video to be a bit more meaningful than the abstract one.

Update: New edit

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: Spirit

Name: Keni
Age: 40-something
Job: Spiritual comedian, lyricist
Location: Upper West Side

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future?

I would continue taking piano lessons instead of stopping when I was a kid, so that now I would be an excellent pianist.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Spirit.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Usually with my head, in pictures and thoughts and ideas - functionally, that's how I imagine it. I imagine my future as being more and more delightful, and with more awareness, less of me and more of everything else.

I have now interviewed 32 people, and am feeling as if I should stop, so as to make the editing process easier for myself. Even if I don't stop, I'll slow down - no more sign for me! I have a lot of pictures that I haven't edited yet, so that is what I need to focus on.

In the last few days, I've managed to get a bit more of a variety in the people I interview. It's interesting to hear the answers of people whose lives have NOT worked out successfully, because they have a rather different perspective on things.

Somehow, I have now covered almost the entire spectrum of ages. I have every decade up to the 70s (excepting children), with only a couple of years missing from each. It is a superb experience to (tentatively) be able to glean patterns from the responses, if only for my own edification.

Today I am supposed to meet with Leonid Lubianitsky (a well-known Russian portrait photographer who happens to be a friend of the woman with whom I am staying). I am excited but slightly anxious. I think I have been improving steadily, but it's always a bit nerve-wracking to be critiqued by a professional, especially one who was an assistant of the photographer who is your main inspiration. I am sure that he will be able to give me some excellent advice. So far, these are the questions that I have decided to ask him:

- how does one create tension with the subject? (I am actually getting a lot better at this)
- where should the thinking stop and the intuition kick in?
- what attracts you to a subject?
- how does one translate a person's character into their face?
- what should the ratio of good photographs to bad photographs be?

In news unrelated to photography, I took a nap yesterday afternoon, and I feel SO INCREDIBLY REFRESHED. Unfortunately, I also have a bit of a nasty sunburn from our trip to Coney Island - I literally (no, not at all literally) bathed in aloe vera last night. That same sun has taught me to photograph in terribly bright daytime conditions, though, so I am not too bitter.

I was hoping to be more into the video part of the project, but I feel that the "footage" I get with the dinky quality of a point-and-shoot is not especially inspirational. I'm sure that an amazing director could do wonderful things with any type of camera, but amazing I am not. I'll just have fun with it, I suppose, and do my best to produce something decent.

Update: New edit

PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT: Puppets And People And Photography, Oh My!

I am finding that I love, love, LOVE this project. At the moment I have responses from people ranging in age from 12 to 72, and it is fascinating to see the similarities and differences in peoples' values. People are responding quite well to my sign, although I imagine that my "data" is a bit skewed towards extroverts (which one must be to reply to such a request as mine).

This photograph, taken at the Brooklyn Bridge Park in the DUMBO region, is of the members of the unusual puppetry act Puppetyranny!, Zac Palladino (24) and Leslie Rogers (25).

Their responses:

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present/future?

Leslie: I want safety back. Safety would be really nice. And health insurance.

Zac: Yeah, safety.

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

Zac: Cheap living. Free fun - as much of it as possible.

Leslie: Definitely fun.

3. How do you imagine your future?

Zac: Poorer, and poorer but maybe funner and funner?

Leslie: Poor. Poor but still fun. Increasingly poor. Possibly more debt. More debt, more fun (until debt takes over).

(These replies show both the positive and negative aspects of joint interviews. On the one hand, people are more comfortable and less intimidated by the camera when they are not alone. On the other, friends tend to echo one another with their responses.)

Update: New, and hopefully improved, edit:


Update 2: Aaaaand numero tres:

Age

I have decided upon a project, and I am actually quite excited about it. I realized that I've been photographing a lot of elderly people, because I am so fascinated by the stories told by a person's face (particularly when that person has lived a long life). Here is my artist-statement-which-is-not-really-an-artist-statement-but-rather-a-project-proposal (I shall be editing it):

After a 2-year period of self-education and development in photography (with a focus on various types of people photography), I have discovered a tendency in my work to be somewhat repetitive in style. Although I believe that I am proficient at what I have been doing, I would like to improve the level of variety and creativity in my portfolio, giving me an opportunity to discover exactly what I wish to create. Throughout the time during which I have been photographing, I have found that the character given to a person's face by the process of aging is a fascinating and beautiful phenomenon. As a result, I would like to focus my project around the concept of human youth and aging, comparing and contrasting the visual and, more significantly, the individual and personal effects of aging on people. I hope to accomplish this by photographing individuals in all age groups, making sure to provide them with a context of life experience (perhaps by asking a few very simple but specific questions about their past, present, and future to enrich the content of the photograph).

My questions:

- Job/Name/Age (if willing to tell)

1. Is there something in your past that you would like to have in your present future
OR
Would you change anything from your past?

2. What is currently the most important thing in your life?

3. How do you imagine your future?

I will be lugging around my laptop to record the answers in GarageBand, and am hoping that each interview/photo session will take approximately 10 minutes (as I will ask for relatively short answers). I'm going to give my poster board idea a try, but will give it up if it doesn't give me the results that I want. I will try not to get frustrated with myself if I do not achieve perfection, but will aim towards doing my best work. I've realized that I need to think of this in terms of Project Runway (Parsons connection!) - the designers usually have a short amount of time to make their outfits, but they know that they must do their very best if they wish to succeed. To do well, however, they must also remain aware of their limitations.

I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS WORK.

L Is For The Way You Look At Me

I think that one of the reasons that I most enjoy portrait photography, and find it to be a challenging and enjoyable experience, is because I tend to fall in love with my subjects a little bit. The choosing of a person to photograph may seem like an arbitrary process, but there is a significance to the people who catch one's eye. I have, however, been interested in attempting to flaunt this bias - for quite a while, I have considered buying a poster board and markers, writing "Give 5 mins, make a student photographer happy!" and standing on a corner somewhere, working with whoever ends up volunteering. I've actually already bought the materials, now I just need to get around to doing it...the trick is, I can't let the photographs become banal just because they are voluntary. This may not be an effective method, but I would like to try it out nonetheless.

I met this woman in Little Italy, the neighborhood that is basically populated solely by tourists. I was attracted by her bright clothing, distinctive face, and brazen manner of smoking in the middle of the street, disdainful of the crowds around her. It turned out that she was from Slovenia, and actually spoke a bit of Russian; I don't think that we discussed anything of importance, but I really enjoyed her confident, frank manner.

"Can I smoke?" she asked me as I framed the photo.
"Of course," I replied.
"Good," she said with a sniff of derision, "because people in this country always seem to disapprove of it."

As my mother is part of the elite, ostracized group that is smokers in the United States, I understood this sentiment perfectly.

Printing

Today in class, we began to print our photographs. It is certainly nice when one's work finally take a physical form, particularly after so much squinting at and fiddling with the images on various screens. This is the first photograph that I printed - it came out rather well on the first try. Nonetheless, as it is an example of my attempts to do something different, I figured that I would critique myself.

Subject: I chose this girl because of her distinctiveness; perhaps unsurprisingly, she immediately caught my eye. She may be yet another unoriginal hipster, but something about her interested me. I quite like her clothing, because it contrasts well with the setting. I also like the extremely attentive, full-profile stance of her dog, because it provides the photograph with a nice sense of geometry. Overall, she is modeling a little bit (unintentionally?), but a sense of tension remains.

Composition: Whenever I hasten to bring the camera to my eye, I seem to struggle with corners and edges. It may stem from the slight nervousness that I feel when taking a portrait (which may be ironic, considering the fact that I like portraits the most). This could be why I began repeatedly taking the closely-cropped face shot, which I seem to screw up far less often. I don't think I did TOO badly with this image, but it's a bit messier and more crooked than I would have liked. Maybe I'm over-thinking it.

Distracting elements: I'm happy with the angle that I chose (as the others didn't work as successfully), but I wish that the guy in the background wasn't visible. I also may have preferred not having those heavy shadows in the shot, although they might also be contributing to it (I haven't decided yet). I would also have liked to blur the background a bit more (which may also have helped with the guy).

Color: In some ways, I like it; in others, it feels like too much, particularly in the background.

Focusing: I'm actually pretty happy with this, although I think that I could have made her face a teeeeeensy bit sharper.

Overall, I'm kind of stuck with one big question: am I actually any good at this, and if so, what is it that I'm good at? I feel that only a week ago, choosing a project idea would have been a piece of cake; now, however, I feel stuck in a dense fog of ???

Where do I even begin?

The Rules of Photography

For this entry, I am going to use an image that is not necessarily a departure from my previous style because it fits with my discussion.

I met this man on a street corner, obviously attracted by his beautiful camera. His name is Louis Mendes, and (as I learned when he handed a copy to me), he even had a newspaper article written about him. He wanders around the city with this camera, attracting attention and potential customers. Then, he gives them the photograph that they want, and receives payment.

He challenged me to take a photograph of him, and I began stepping back, in an attempt to follow my new policy of fewer close-ups. He, however, directed me to step closer; then, he had me take a picture with flash, which he apparently preferred. The lesson: the customer is always right.

He said a lot of things, and I will admit that my Swiss-cheese-brain has lost a lot of it. However, I remember that his general idea was this: if you want to make money, you should be able to please the customer, and to take advantage of any attention that you garner.

It was definitely interesting to hear his opinion, but I think that it contradicts with my current goal. At the moment, I think that it's more important to discover myself as an artist - after all, I want to deserve the money that I make, and be able to clearly know my vision.

The Big Apple

All of a sudden, I have realized that saying that one inhabits "The Big Apple" automatically labels one as a worm (because who else lives inside apples?)
I do not like this concept.

Every moment in New York inspires me, and every day contains some element of serendipity in the form of a conversation, a smile, a realization, or a variety of other possible events. I've begun to notice patterns everywhere: from the crisscrossing of escalators, to the rows of people's faces on the subway, to the elegance of crosswalks. If I had an eye for symmetry (which sadly, I do not), I would love to capture this photographically.

Here are a couple of photographs representing my experience in the city. For now, I will bravely post the unedited versions.

A picture-perfect child in Union Square:
A wonderfully colorful adolescent, also in Union Square:
A couple that has obviously been married for quite a while, again in Union Square:
Beautiful, beautiful Riverside (I can't believe that I get to look out at this every day):
Three lovely ladies, friends of 20 years, in Washington Square Park:
Washington Square Park again:
Not sure where I took this, but I love it:
The amazing grandmothers (and grandfathers) against the war, protesting somewhere in Midtown:

Identity Crisis

Yesterday's experience in Chinatown consisted of many hostile glares and, paradoxically, several incidents of warmly amicable behavior in spite of language barriers. It is a thoroughly interesting location to shoot in, albeit a difficult one because of the suspicious attitude of many of its inhabitants towards a person with a camera.

Alas, I am in a state of turmoil; for quite a while, I have been noticing that my photography has become stuck in a rut of unchallenging optimism. It is ironic that my photographs end up so sweet, because that is not at all how I see the world! Certainly, I see a great deal of beauty, particularly in the vibrant world of New York City, but that does not mean that I neglect the complex, unpleasant aspects of life - in fact, I am rather familiar with them. I have no idea why I have not been able to portray this in my work, and it frustrates the hell out of me. Of course, it is never pleasant to hear that your photographs resemble glorified senior pictures (as Kevin said when I consulted him), but I simply can't disagree, and have been thinking the same exact thing for months.

I suppose that I (and anyone who ends up reading this) will have to deal with the messy results of the experimentation that I will hopefully be doing from now on. After all, I don't want to create bland photographs - my inspirations are Irving Penn, Richard Avedon, and August Sander, not some random photographer who does crowd-pleasing wedding and baby photography.

Coulrophobia

Mascarpone The Clown

I have never understood the fear of clowns that pervades the American culture. Perhaps it is the result of films like "It" and the legacy of John Wayne Gacy, but clowns are often perceived as murderers and perverts in disguise.

I, however, appreciate the complicated role of clowns, the combination of joy and clumsy confusion that they represent. With the discovery of this clown in Union Square (a man from Argentina who calls himself Mascarpone), I found numerous photographic opportunities - bewildered children, fluorescent equipment, and that amazing, intentionally imperfect powdery makeup.

I got quite a few nice shots (with surprisingly few difficulties with focusing, my usual handicap), some of which I hope to send to him. I hope very much that he likes them.

Oh, and also:
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear me-ee
Happy Birthday to me

I have officially begun a new decade in my life. Now I can legally do everything except rent a car.

(Edit: and run for Congress/President.)